Let Me Tell You Something About Men

I wrote this in response to the thousands of Facebook statuses I see each day with girls complaining about their boyfriends. Let's just get one thing straight right now. The men you see in movies? They're called "actors" for a reason. The men you see in movies typically do not exist. No one is that freaking perfect. So, I decided to make a list based on my friends' and my experiences when it comes to  guys (friends, family, and boyfriends) to help you better understand them.

1. Men are not mind readers. You need to just give it to them straight. Hints of any kind will either be unnoticed or misread. It's not because they don't care; it's just because they can't read minds any better than we can. Just be straightforward about it.
2. Most guys are good at solving problems. If you want to get to solving an issue fast, ask him. If it's just sympathy or pity you're looking for, go to a girlfriend.
3. Shopping and hanging out with girlfriends is your sport, and his is watching the game or going to the bar with his buddies. Let him enjoy his moment of Zen while you enjoy yours.
4. If you can bitch and moan about him not being Romeo and Mr. Sympathy all the time, he can whine about you not walking around in your panties all day or about how you have a year-long "headache".
5. Most men are not good with emotional women. Especially crying women. It's not because they don't give a damn, but because most of them simply don't know how to handle emotional women.
6. Believe it or not, men can take care of themselves. You don't have to write out for them how to do everything. They did live without you at one point, remember.
7. When a man asks you a question, a simply answer will usually do.
8. If you're arguing, stick to recent events. Don't try to throw something at him that happened months ago because that will only make it look like you're trying to start a fight. If you had a problem with it then, you should have talked about it then. Remember, men aren't mind readers.
9. If your BMI is over 25 do not ask if you are fat. It is called entrapment, and you can't yell at him if he says yes.
10. Burps will be released, crotches will be scratched, and farts may be launched without warning. Frequently. Don't bother fighting it. You'd be fighting against the laws of natural physics.
11. If your guy actually senses something is wrong and asks what it is, don't answer with "nothing" because 9 out of 10 times he will assume it really is nothing and will forget about it until you bring it to his attention again.
12. Unlike most women who speak in codes, guys just say it how the mean it.
13. It's not necessary to go through every outfit you own with him and ask him which one is best. Why? Because he doesn't care what you wear. Unless you're in a sex shop. That's a totally different story. ;)

And that doesn't even begin to cover it.